Oh, it's crazy how time flies. Sometimes I scroll back on Instagram and I look at what a bald little squish Benjamin used to be, because it's surprisingly difficult to remember when you see him every day how much he has changed. He's so chunky now, so robust, it's hard to think of a time when we were worried that he was too fragile to survive (he wasn't, thankfully, but if you've ever held a newborn, you know what I mean). We still worry about things, of course, but long gone are the days when I slept with the light on so I could constantly check that he was still breathing.
We've run out of luck on the movement front; although I didn't want him to be immobile for his whole life, there's no doubt that this in-betweeny stage where he can't really get himself about but wants to be on the move is hard (for both of us). He's been getting frustrated, and we've all been getting bad backs from leaning down and helping him 'walk'. It brings him the greatest joy to strut about, though, and I'm sure it won't be that long before he can do it all by himself.
He's started to settle at nursery, too. I'm sure to those on the outside it looks like no time at all, but it's felt incredibly gruelling to get to this place. To be clear, he still cries and grabs at me when I drop him off, and again when I pick him up, but the people at nursery have started telling me how smiley and happy he is during the day, so there's no longer that guilt and worry weighing on my mind. I knew he would love all the attention and the play time (and the food) once he got his head around it. I hope this means he's going to start being less clingy in general; he's definitely been going through some major separation anxiety and is no longer happy to be passed around our friends and family (even the ones he knows well) - which is maybe not going to be great at his upcoming birthday party!
I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that I'm not planning to write these monthly updates for every month of his life; my plan was just to do the first year, and so we're coming to the end. I'm glad I've done this, if only for me - it's so fun to look back and see what he was up to and how I was feeling about it. The ups and downs of the first year are a wild rollercoaster ride, that's for sure. But we're almost coming to the end of that one, and ready, no doubt, to board an even wilder one as we get into the toddler years...