1am - Ben wakes up for a bottle so I dash downstairs to make one with the Tommee Tippee machine, hoping I can get back up and put it in his mouth before he starts squawking. No such luck this time, but he settles quickly when it's finally in his mouth and drops back to sleep within 15 minutes.
5.15am - Repeat Step 1! Usually this is Paul's turn, but he had a long day yesterday and looked after Ben yesterday evening whilst I went to a work party, so I let him have a lie in and feed Ben again. Once again, when satiated with milk he drops back to sleep within 20 minutes. I hope and pray that he's this easy forever, whilst knowing that he definitely won't be...
6am - Paul's alarm goes off and I hear him get up but go back to sleep and don't hear him leave for work.
7.30am - I wake up briefly and think about getting up for a shower whilst Ben is still asleep, but fall back to sleep. Not going to lie, I feel a bit jaded after a few wines at my work party last night.
8am - Ben wakes up and immediately screams for food. I run downstairs to make a bottle, and regret not getting up for a shower half an hour before. Thank my lucky stars that Ben is not yet moving and still finds it relatively fun to just stare into space, so I leave him in his Snuzpod after he's eaten and dash into the shower for five minutes.
8.30am - It takes a lot longer doing your make-up when you're also trying to entertain a baby. I'm stopping after every step to make faces at him to try and make him laugh. It only occasionally works...
9am - It's time to get Ben dressed! We're off to Rhyme Time with some pals today, and the library is always baking hot so whilst I dress him in a jumper, I make sure he's got a short vest underneath so he can stay cool.
9.15am - I leave Ben on his play mat to have a kick around and make myself some toast, and steal a handful of Malteasers from the cupboard. Whilst I'm just finishing my second slice, Ben decides he's tired and starts to complain loudly. He's recently started to fight sleep, so needs a dummy and a little bit of rocking to go off but he's getting better at staying asleep when he's put down, which is a win. Accidentally step in my toast whilst I'm walking him around the room so I have to awkwardly take my sock off whilst holding a baby so I don't get butter on the rug...
9.30am - Ben is asleep so I work on today's blog post and send a few emails. I also pack my bag for Rhyme Time.
10.15am - Ben wakes up hungry, once again. We're pushing it a little bit for time so I give him a bottle and text my friend with the other hand that we'll be a little late.
10.30am - Ben's finished his snack so I change his nappy and pop him in his little bear suit for in the pram. Run around making more bottles, taking dummies out of the steriliser, brushing my teeth etc.
10.40am - Finally get out of the house and have to jog up the hill. Get stopped by an elderly lady who wants to have a chat about how cute Ben is and tell me about her own children. We're running late, but I don't want to be rude so talk to her about travelling to Kenya with her 10 week old way back in the day for a few minutes before wishing her a good day.
11am - Meet up with my friend Katie, her gorgeous boy Walt and her sister who's visiting for the day. We tackle the giant hill and chat family dramas on the walk to Rhyme Time.
11.20am - We're a little late so squeeze into the corner ready to sing Alice the Camel (my favourite) and do the Hokey Cokey.
12pm - We wander around Sainsbury's and consider our options for Halloween costumes and Christmas jumpers for the bubbas. There's really no sense of urgency when you're on maternity leave so we probably spend a bit too long there... Ben falls asleep on the way home.
1pm - I get home just before the postman arrives with a present from my friend Amy, who's coming to visit on Monday. I open it whilst making a bottle for Ben as, of course, he's hungry again.
1.15pm - Once Ben is fed and happy, I leave him on his play mat again and make myself some soup. I eat it sat on the floor with Ben so I can make faces and shake rattles at him.
2pm - We try a little bit of tummy time, and it takes about a minute before Ben gets annoyed. Time for another nap...
2.15pm - I run around and do all my boring chores - mostly laundry and tidying the kitchen. Try to call the hairdressers to change my appointment but they don't pick up and then totally forget to do it later on. That's one for tomorrow.
3pm - Ben wakes up for a bit more food, followed by a bit more play time. It's at this point that I text Paul about how the day is dragging... I'll be impressed if anyone is still reading at this point! I half play with Ben and half make a food shopping list for the weekend. Text some pals about preferred pizza toppings for our pizza-making party next week.
4pm - Time for another nap... It's harder to put Ben down this time so after trying a couple of times I give in and let him sleep on me. Pop Gossip Girl on to entertain me, and text a few more people about meeting up in the coming week or so. Staying in the house for even half a day is driving me a little insane already. At one point, the door goes with a parcel (I ordered Robert Webb's book last night) so I have to get up carefully or risk disturbing my sleeping baby.
5pm - Another round of food for Ben whilst we watch Gossip Girl together. I explain the whole Blair/Chuck situation to him, but don't think that he really cares...
5.30pm - We're now on the countdown for Paul to get home so we go upstairs and stick on the Cheesy Hits playlist on Spotify so we can have a singalong whilst I fold the clean laundry. Ben is in the best mood he's been in all day and laughs a lot when we sing Mambo No. 5.
6.00pm - Paul comes home and jumps in the shower. He tries to teach Ben to hold his Sophie the Giraffe 'chew toy' so he can gnaw on it, but he's not quite at the 'grasping' stage yet. Paul takes Ben downstairs whilst I finish sorting the laundry and straightening things out.
7.00pm - I put the duck we're having for dinner in the oven and then it's time for our bedtime routine as Ben is getting pretty grouchy. We've been pulling it forward by a few minutes every night and this is the earliest we've put him down so far. Might regret it when I have to get up straight after going to bed, but you'll never know if you don't try! We give Ben a bath together and I get him into his pyjamas whilst Paul makes him a final bottle for the day.
7.30pm - Paul reads us a few pages of Harry Potter whilst I feed Ben, and then we pop him down to sleep. He must be tired as he falls asleep almost straight away.
7.45pm - I finish making dinner (hoisin duck stir fry) whilst Paul watches his favourite show... The One Show. We eat dinner and watch a rerun of A League Of Their Own. Have to avoid the Piers Morgan episode even though it has Roisin Conaty on, too, because although we love her we're boycotting all things Piers Morgan.
8.30pm - I finish writing up this blog post and we discuss vegan cheese. Get distracted learning how to set up a podcast.
9pm - I make myself a chocolate pudding and pour a glass of wine. Treat yo'self 2017.
9.30pm - I pick up my knitting project for a little bit whilst we watch Grand Designs. (So middle aged. So middle class). I'm working on the Dream Blanket from Knits Please in navy but it's slow going at the moment...
10pm - Bedtime! I'll be woken up again in a couple of hours so I take off my make-up, put on my PJs and go to bed. Hopefully until at least 1am tomorrow!