A New Year

fireworks

[Photo by kazuend

So, here we are. 2016. 

I feel very conflicted about the New Year. A few weeks back, I was absolutely desperate for the clean slate, and so ready to get stuck into a new year and new projects. Now, I'm not so sure. I already feel overwhelmed by the possibilities that a full 12 months ahead brings me.

I'm a natural planner and worrier, which I don't think serves me well at times like this. I think back on what I had planned at the beginning of 2015 and know that it all went awry. 2015 was a great year for me, but I also felt more anxious and worried than I have in a long time - particularly towards the end of the year. I'm settling down with work and family and friends, but I also feel like I'm really in transition in my life. Maybe that's the curse of the twenty-something. 

I sometimes wish I could see into the future and give myself a little reassurance. I often feel like I'm running out of time for everything I want to accomplish and do. Which is silly, because I am only 25 and, in theory, I have so many years left. It just feels uncertain; I don't know what my life will be like or even who I will be in the years to come, so I feel like I want to get it all done now. 

The accepted wisdom is that a pile of New Year's resolutions designed to shake up your whole life is a recipe for disaster. It takes time to change who we are and what we do, and the arbitrary date of 1st January is not necessarily the best time to try to get fit, eat more vegetables, drink more water, read more books, advance in our careers, learn a new language, save money and nail a capsule wardrobe. And yet, I find myself sketching out lists of plans, challenges and changes that I want 2016 to hold for me. I wonder if the best way is to throw them all in the air and see which ones I manage to juggle in the end. 

I'm not sure I meant this to sound so negative; that definitely isn't the way I want to start the new year. I am excited, too. This year is going to be a big one, whichever way you look at it. And as always, I know in my heart that the best is yet to come.