Things I Am Not

meThere are a lot of things that I am. I am still working some of them out, trying to enjoy the traits I like and accept or change the traits I don't. However, there are something that I know that I am not (and never will be). 


Spontaneity is sexy, right? It's relaxed and fun and easy to get along with. I am not spontaneous in the slightest. I can't just get up and go at a moment's notice. I like a proper plan for my day. One of my least attractive traits is my inability to change that plan at a moment's notice - it make me incredibly anxious and if a new plan isn't formulated straight away then I get kind of ratty. Or a lot ratty. Spontaneity and me do not mix. 


I have smoked once. I have never done any kind of drugs. I always obeyed my curfew. I always did my homework on time and got good grades. I didn't even have a gap year. I am the opposite of rebellious. It probably helps that my parents are super laid back and didn't give me much to rebel against. Even so, I don't see the appeal. It's just not me. 

High Maintenance 

Oftentimes, girls like to prove they're not high maintenance to appeal to boys, right? I'm the cool, casual girl that doesn't care about messing up her hair, right? That is not what I'm saying. I *want* to be high maintenance. Or, at least, more high maintenance. Well put together. A little bit glamorous. I try, I really do. But I am so much more comfortable in jeans and flat shoes, and if I put on too much make-up then I look like a clown because I can't do it properly. I feel like my life would be better if I knew how to contour, but it's a skill that eludes me and probably always will. 


I am not good at waiting for things. Whether that's an event or an achievement or just dinner, I get anxious or impatient really easily. When I have ideas that I can't put into action straight away, it makes me nervy. I'm pretty sure it drives Paul mad - but it also means that I get a lot of stuff done. So there's that. 


I cannot sit still for two minutes, and most of the time I am multi-tasking. Sometimes it's not a positive thing - I should probably focus on the movie rather than endlessly scrolling through social media, but other times it's what makes me productive. I hate to end the day having achieved nothing - I try it sometimes but it doesn't agree with me. Whether it's finishing a book, knitting a scarf, baking a cake or writing a blog post, even on my down days I need to get something done or it totally bums me out. Right now I'm trying to figure out how I can work with this rather than against it to make myself satisfied rather than stressed at the end of the weekend. 

What are you not?