How did we get here so quickly? The fourth trimester is over already and Ben has already changed so much in just a few short weeks. I am amazed constantly that I *grew* him. He is the best thing I have ever created, for sure. But, he has taken on the project of growing himself with aplomb – his feet are already hitting the end of his 3-6 month sleepsuits and he can’t really nap on my chest anymore without me folding him practically in half. This lanky little boy is surely going to take after his father when it comes to height…
I have a feeling I’ll say it every month, but this month has been my favourite by far. Benjamin has really found his smile and has started laughing at so many silly things. He’s such a happy little chap, and the way his face lights up when he sees me or Paul for the first time in a while is honestly the greatest joy of my life.
He’s not what I expected. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t him. I couldn’t have ever dreamt up such a perfect baby. He is so chilled out, content to kick away on his play mat for hours in between naps and happy to be carted around with us wherever he goes. The only thing he doesn’t really like is when the car stops in traffic; much like his father, he’d always rather be on the move. I count my lucky stars every day that Benjamin is my son. (My son!). He has made it so easy to become a mother, and even though there are difficult moments, I know that we have been so lucky in these first few months. Our time will come, no doubt; whether he’s a terrible toddler or a tricky teenager, our time will come when we are tearing our hair out. But I am glad that it has not been right now, when there is already so much change to adjust to.
Those newborn days already feel so far away; the raw emotion, the sleep deprivation, the absolute shock to the system. Everyone says that it passes so quickly but you can’t see the end when you are in it so completely. At first, I was Googling every tiny thing but already I feel more confident in my instincts and my abilities. Like I said, motherhood has surprised me and I’m not the nurturing earth mama that I would maybe have wanted to be. I am already cultivating an attitude of healthy neglect, as my parents always called it (is it any surprise that I have just morphed into my own mother, really?). But, whilst I often sit with my sleeping baby feeling frustrated that I am not doing something else, I am just as often kissing him all over his face and telling him how much I love him. He is loved, and he never goes hungry, and that is all that matters for him right now. I can already see the end of this stage coming up fast, and it is bittersweet. For now, at three months, Benjamin is my absolute favourite.