I am full of ideas. A week doesn’t go by that I don’t dream up a new creative project or business venture, and I often have my fingers in many pies (both literally and figuratively, if you’re talking about the time when I decided I wanted to open a pie shop…). There are not enough hours in the day for all of the things that I want to do, experience and learn. But, despite being full to the brim with plans, goals and dreams, I rarely execute them – and when I do, I rarely finish what I start. I have a whole box full of half-finished knitting projects, a Google Drive full of sentences and plots from stories and blog posts that never got written and a never ending to do list with items that have never gotten off the ground. I have talked about starting a podcast and a supper club, new blogs and websites, and all sorts of other things – but before I start anything I have to learn to finish.
I think my problems with finishing my projects are many; for starters, I am a perfectionist so I am often afraid to start or get too caught up in the middle of the project when it’s not going exactly how I imagined. In my head, my supper club is a triumph, my podcast a raging success and my craft projects perfectly executed. Of course, you can’t get to success if you don’t start in the first place or if you give up halfway through. Logically, I know that, but I get stuck in my own head at the crucial moment and bottle it, once again.
I also have a short attention span, and I always find that creativity begets more creativity so it is when I am in the middle of a project or venture that I have even *more* ideas and the new ideas are so shiny and exciting that the current one gets abandoned in favour of pastures new. So I never give myself the opportunity to really grow and improve, or the satisfaction of a final product. I have a tendency to take too much onto my plate, so each thing doesn’t get the attention it deserves and so takes much longer than it needs to, which doesn’t help with that short attention span. I get greedy, imagining myself fulfilled by a plethora of creative pursuits, surrounded by the fruits of my labour (most of which are praise-based, I won’t lie to you…), when it would be far more sensible to take on one thing at a time and really master it before moving on.
Over the past month, I have thought about giving up this blogging challenge on many occasions. Blogging is probably the only thing I have really stuck at for any length of time; I am a blogger right down to my bones and it comes naturally to me to type out a few hundred words on whatever I’m thinking or doing at that moment. It is a quick endeavour, when done imperfectly, and so it provides that satisfaction and feeling of achievement that I strive for in other pursuits. But even then, I faltered every time it became a little bit tricky – when I didn’t have a post lined up for the following day and a full roster of activities with Benjamin making it difficult to sit down and type something up. There have been moments where I’ve lacked inspiration and even more where I’ve lacked the confidence. I like to think I’m pretty good at the words part of blogging, but blogging has moved on so much from when that was the most important part and there are so many other bits where my skills or execution are lacking. I am determined, for once, however, to finish what I have started and I am learning, slowly, the benefits of doing so.
With just a few days left in October, I am looking forward to the breathing space that will allow me to see other projects through that have been hanging over me for months, if not years. I am annoyed at myself for not coming to this conclusion earlier, because I have so much less free time and opportunity to pursue my greatest plans with Benjamin needing so much of my attention, but maybe that is a good thing as it will focus my mind on those that I really want to finish and let the others fall by the wayside. Watch this space, my friends – I’ve got a few things up my sleeve…